The 25 Facebook types

November 26, 2013

http://bit.ly/1aGqw34

It is common knowledge that nobody goes to “McDonald's”, and so of course nobody is logged into Facebook and if they do, then “they are not really active there”. However, the numbers tell a different story: over 600 million users are registered and the average person spends over 16 hours a month on Facebook. With a significantly increasing trend. Reason enough to take a closer look at the 25 most common Facebook types (in random order):

1. The Peeping Tom
  It's been half a year since my last post; You are too “anti” to comment on posts, but of course you read everything.
2. The chicken
  Cyber abbreviations in all their variety characterize the chicken. LMFAO, lol, rofl & Co can at least hide the state of their own orthographic knowledge, but may still give an indication of the intellectual horizons of this Facebook user.
3. The celebrity
  There are a particularly large number of people here who have reached the top 50 in a casting show . 2,200 friends, photos with Z celebrities like Claudia Effenberg and appearances at city festivals to celebrate the coarse liver sausage in the Palatinate can be admired and impressively demonstrate the social relevance of this user.
4. The emotional one
  Heart here, then broken heart there again, emotional quotes about love & friendship as the cover photo: In reality, the emotional Facebook type is considered a stable person; On Facebook, however, the relationship status is already edited before the ex-love has even cleared the 7 things out of the apartment.
5. The Blender
  In real life, the blender stands above all for averageness. However, he would like to put an end to this on Facebook: every sandwich that he butters with his own hand is photographed and uploaded, as is the newly purchased scented candle that now adorns the dining table, or the nice cocktail group with friends, where the glass itself is filled with fruit and fruit at happy hour decorated with colorful, small umbrellas.
6. The scorer
  Everything that has numbers, evaluations or results is communicated to the public: scores in Mafia Wars, kilometers covered in Runtastic or the successfully won football bet between him and the demented members of his grandfather's bowling club.
7. The pubescent
  Hehe and haha. These two words are simple, meaningful and are completed by autocorrect after the first letter so that there are no spelling errors. Visually, this Facebook type also has a few facets to offer: Duck Face, Sparrow Face, Frog Face, Sexdolling Face or Trout Face are popular forms of expressing yourself artistically.
8. The forever 19 year old
  This Facebook guy only gives the impression at first glance that he is young. Profile photos are edited with Photoshop , Miley Cyrus is liked and “chilling out” can also be posted as a status message. But in reality these are the legal guardians of the pubescent Facebook user. Caught in the midlife crisis, you take your cue from your offspring and do the same. Your Mudda likes!
9. The academic
  This is the dangerous species of “people who take themselves too seriously”. Anything that is trivial has no place on the academic's chronicle. Friends are sorted into groups according to their level of education and carefully selected articles on economic or political topics are posted, with a drastic opinion piece that is intended to suggest that the circle of friends have a high level of intellect.
10. The cynic
  Misanthropy in its highest form. Every form of life is hated and insulted. Your own life is no exception.
11. The promoter
  Invitations to events, groups, and a better life on Mars typically lead to a drastic decrease in the number of Facebook friends.
12. The liker
  He simply likes everything that his friends' exciting lives have to offer. It's enough when “Cat”, the cousin's German shepherd, rotates around his own axis in front of the “big shop” for the like button to be clicked with euphoria.
13. The pseudoclown
  Try to get the laughs on your side with blonde jokes from Anno '98. Fail!
14. The status freak
  - in the supermarket; - in the bus; – in the quiet place. The status freak likes to let those around him participate in his life and activities more than most people would like. One sincerely hopes that the status freak never actually experiences anything exciting, otherwise the Facebook server would inevitably give up the ghost. Or as the saying goes: “The server is confused and doesn’t understand your request.”
15. The thief
  Status reports are sneakily and skillfully stolen and posted in one's own chronicle. Particularly nasty: Usually in an optimized version without spelling mistakes or with a better anecdote.
16. The cheering Persian
  No matter what you do or post: the first like comes from your cheering Persian. But don't worry: he/she really isn't that into you; it's pure friendship!
17. The stalker
  He knows the exact number of your Facebook friends and each new Facebook friend is first assessed. If you introduce him to a person by their first name in real life, it won't take him long to be able to assign that person's correct last name in his mind. It's nice that you stayed friends after the breakup.
18. The jet setter
  Contributions are published in three languages and the photo albums are called Paris, London, Singapore and New York. It's a good thing that Dad's law firm is doing so well.
19. The dyslexic
  There's just something wrong in every room.
20. The drama queen
  The drama queen stands for her extensive and skillfully staged vocabulary. Particularly popular is repeating the same vowel or consonant 8 times to give the word a higher meaning. OH MY GOOOOOOOOOTT!
21. The family man
  All is well with the world here. Pictures from the zoo, from the Baltic Sea vacation or from the offspring's new bike. Before turning off the computer, quickly delete the telltale history and you can continue playing your perfect life.
22. The mysterious one
  Peter Müller becomes Pete Mill, the friends list is blocked and there is no other indication of the user's real identity. A group of colorful budgies is chosen as the cover photo and the black and white profile picture shows the user from behind, 250 meters away. The only unfortunate thing is that this user uses the same password for all email accounts and social network profiles. The NSA thanks you for your trust.
23. The hypocrite
  On Facebook he likes your status, comments and gives compliments; In real life, however, he would immediately cross the street if he saw you.
24. The critic
  Can do everything, knows everything, criticizes everything. Any other opinion will be commented on mercilessly. In real life, however, the critic has little to report. His work colleagues particularly appreciate him because of his level-headed and reserved nature.
25. The dumbass
  The dumbass is not aware that there are privacy settings on Facebook. Every photo and every status report about a particularly bad hangover is available to the public and so this Facebook guy looks pretty stupid when the hiring manager sees the wild party photos from last weekend during the job interview and questions his stated hobby of “reading”. .